I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
