I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I am naked and annoyed.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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