Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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