All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
