I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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