And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
