after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
