so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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