you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
