if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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