Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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