Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Don't make out with my wife yet
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
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still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
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I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize