dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
