so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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