I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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