Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
