dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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