I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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