Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
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