Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
