im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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