he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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