I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
