My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
