Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
