Someone shit on the floor
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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