yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
