oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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