im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
