watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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