ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
