he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
