Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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