I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
