what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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