I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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