Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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