I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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