Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
