i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
