Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
