You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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