This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
