I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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