i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
