my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
