Whatcha textin bout Willis?
farters have to be the big spoon...
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
