so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
