I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize