it wasn't lemon gatorade
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
do nipples grow back?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
