I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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