Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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