Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
