I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize