sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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