O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
