Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
