She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
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Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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