So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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