Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
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Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
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okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
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