you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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