i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize