i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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