i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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