there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I am midnight drunk by noon
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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