He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
